Blog Binging

I'm super excited about this blog post, mostly because I have been threatening to write it for so long:

I love blogging, and although I most definitely don't post often enough, I am deeply immersed in the blogosphere (this is about to become a trademark, no stealing). I collect blogs like some people collect shoes and honestly, it is often the highlight of my day when one of the blogs I live announce a new post.

There is also nothing more satisfying than lying on the couch in double-chin mode binging on some gem-ofa blog's "view older posts".

I have several friends who maintain stunning blogs. And although my news feeds across my social media sites are flooded with new blog posts on a daily basis, what excites me the most is when one of my friends posts something new. It almost makes reading their blogs ten times more exciting because you know the person.

Whether it be Dale's divine splashes of creativity, Zola's refreshingly frank epiphanies or Sabu's classically classy insights, when their stuff goes live I'm brimming with excitement.

These lovely ladies inspire me on a daily basis with their superior writing and uber creative concepts. Of course there are many more friends/acquaintances whose blogs I could shed some spotlight on, but these three are top of the log for me.

There's nothing like a good cup of coffee, a fresh bran muffin and a mind-blowing blog post to get your day going!

Alternatives to self-harming - there is light at the end of the tunnel!

TRIGGER WARNING: Self-harm

A popular TV hit series in the 90s - and one of my all-time favourite shows - 7th Heaven has an episode (Season 3, episode 3) where the family's middle child discovers that her best friend Nicole is a self-harmer. But I believe it was as common then as it is now. Think about it, alcoholism has always been there, but there was once a time where there was very little awareness about it.
aired again where I live and this episode caught my eye. In the episode - filmed in 19
98 - it is put accross that almost nobody knows what "cutting" (as they call it on the

It is difficult to give any sort of statistics about self-harming, specifically because these numbers are based on the amount of people who actually come out and say that they are self-harmers, which is rare. But as I am sure that you know (unless you're still stuck in 1998), self-harming is an extremely common occurrence.

There are a lot of ways that you can get help, and a lot of resources for you to read, but here are some ALTERNATIVES that you can try, next time that you feel the urge to harm yourself:

• Support groups and online forums, BUT BE CAREFUL: There are some fantastic online platforms that give you access to forums where self-harm is discussed. These forums help you to interact with other people who experience similar things that you do. You will be suprised to see how big the online support community really is. My favourite is: MDJunction. The thing to watch out for is that reading what people have to say might be a trigger, so be wary.
• Pet or plant: Pouring your time and energy into something living can be incredibly therapeutic and I know for a fact that it has helped self-harmers cope. Of course think carefully before getting yourself a cat or dog, start small with a pot plant or goldfish. 
• Creativity: Often finding a creative outlet for everything that's going on inside of you is extremely helpful. If you're busy brushing off this tip because 'you're not creative', DON'T. You don't have to be good at drawing, painting, taking photos etc. to use it as an outlet. Scribble, doodle, design. Use a black marker and decorate a magazine - whatever floats your boat!
• Wreck something else - instead of hurting yourself, take a piece of cardboard (for example) and use your weapon of choice to slash, tear, wreck something like cardboard. 
• Hold yourself accountable - find a way to hold yourself accountable for harming yourself. This does not mean find a way to make yourself feel guilty or ashamed for hurting yourself, because this will only lead to a vicious cycle of I'm-feeling-guilty-so-I'm-going-to-hurt-myself-I-hurt-myself-now-I-feel-guilty. 
• Exercise - I hate it too, don't worry. But exercise is a great way to firstly get rid of all those pent of feelings and (BONUS) it releases happy chemicals in your brain that will most likely make you feel a whole lot better.
• Let it out - It is important to realise that one of the reasons (and there are many) that some people hurt themselves intentionally is to have an outlet for all the crazy things that they may be feeling. But there are many other ways that you can let things out. And it doesn't mean that you have to talk to anyone either. Keep a journal and spew all those feelings out on a page, start a private and locked twitter account and tweet about it, keep an online journal, anything! As long as you get what you're feeling out, even if you don't know what it is you're feeling.
• It's an addiction - and the sooner you realise this the better! So, seek out the same help and support that an addict of any kind would. I'm going to leave it at that.
• Make commitments - Make arrangements to be busy at the times that you would usually harm yourself. If you have a particular time of day (eg night time when you're alone) or a day of the week or even a bad month every year, take note of your patterns and then set up plans for those times. Meet up with friends, play a sport, see a movie, go to the beach...whatever gets you out of your routine.
• Bubble wrap - it's the cure for everything.
  
• Blog, dammit, BLOG! - Start a blog. Write about anything and everything. AS LONG AS YOU DON'T NAME AND SHAME anyone, pour your energy into creating and keeping up a regular blog.

Notice that I have not included any alternatives that include you harming yourself in another way or creating a pain sensation. This is because I do not believe that finding a 'safer' way to cause yourself pain can be considered an alternative at all.

10 Tips for Surviving GROUP WORK

Working with people, especially in groups, is something that follows us around for pretty much our whole lives, whether we like it or not. Think about it, even back when you were in playschool, you would work with other kids to build a tower out of blocks. School is an endless series of one group work project or presentation after the next. For some, working in groups is a comfortable and relatively easy experience and for others it’s utter hell. Here are a few pointers that may get you through your next group work assignment:

1. Learn to listen – It is built into our chemistry that we need to feel heard. But in group situations you are competing with several other people, who all feel that they need to be heard. Always try to wait your turn to speak and don’t talk over others or finish their sentences.
2. But be heard – Don’t wait so long for your turn to speak that you’re actually not being heard. Everyone’s opinion in a group situation is important, otherwise you wouldn't be in a group. Be assertive and make sure that you get your chance to speak without being passed over. Do not tell yourself that what you have to say is less important than someone else’s opinion. If someone is constantly talking over you or interrupting you, don’t sulk, just stand up to them. But of course do so respectfully.
3. Think about your intention – What you intend to get across when speaking to your group and how what you say is interpreted are two different things. Your intention may be to innocently help someone with something that they are struggling with, but it may be interpreted as you thinking that the person you are helping is inadequate or stupid.
4. Find a balance between selfish and selfless – This one is pretty self-explanatory, but be careful not to take on too much or too little of the work required by the group. You don’t want to be overwhelmed and drowning while the rest of the group coasts along but you also don’t want to be that annoying slacker.
5. Be that annoying person – Be the douchebag who is constantly reminding people about time constraints or about how much work there is left to do. But learn to rein it in. Constantly reminding people about these things may affect their productivity and will most likely stress people out more than necessary. Think of ways to use to use these reminders to keep people motivated rather than discourage them.
6. Share – Share ideas, share workload, but most importantly, learn to share responsibility. Its all very well offering to take on the largest or most complicated part of a group task, or even offering to be the person who compiles everything. But also keep in mind that you are working in a team and no person should feel like they are drowning when there are others around to help. Also keep an eye out for people who take everything on and offer them help of you see that they are struggling, you may find that they desperately need it.
7. Be flexible – Although you may feel very strongly about your idea – you may even think it’s groundbreaking stuff – always keep in mind that it may not be the best idea. Learn to be flexible: let others take your idea and mould it or even perhaps turn it on its head completely. Be open to other ideas, no matter how much you believe in your own, and be careful not to shut down other people’s ideas on the premise that yours is better than theirs. The truth is, someone might truly have a better idea than you do. But of course don’t go around telling yourself that your ideas are not good enough or that someone’s always going to have a better idea than you do. Everyone’s ideas are important!
8. Avoid gossip – Try not to get involved in any gossip sessions about other group members behind their backs, especially during the time that you’re working with them. This can affect your ability to trust the person/people and can quite possibly screw you over at a later stage.
   
9. When tensions run high – It is quite possible that at some point during your time working in a group that you will encounter a high-pressure situation that usually involves a deadline. You’ll soon learn that a person’s ugly side will reveal itself in its extreme form in these circumstances. There is very little that you can do about other people’s behaviour in these situations, unless you’re in a position of authority. But you can be in control of your own behaviour, and this is what’s most important. Be especially self-aware in high-pressure situations. Be careful not to shout at others, make them feel incompetent or bully them into getting things done. Although you may get frustrated with the pace at which others may be working so close to a deadline, keep in mind that you all have to read the deadline together.
10.  Learn – Reflect on the experiences that you had as a member of a group and think about what you can learn from what may have occurred. Keep in mind what you have learned about yourself and try to improve in your next group work situation.

What to Take to University/College

This is the time of year (well at least in South Africa anyway) where endless crowds of students flock towards universities, colleges and other tertiary institutions for the first time in their lives to embark on their next – and perhaps their most exciting – chapter.

Many universities send out lists of things that you would generally need to buy or bring with you in order to survive the year. There are even some great websites that will help you out here. But I have put together a list of essentials that no one tells you that you will need, but that I can promise you that you will need along the way at some point:

1. A torch/flashlight: Don’t just think that your shiny new Smartphone will provide you with adequate light when you’re alone in the dark. What if there’s a power cut and your battery is flat? And what if you have a test the following day that you have yet to study for? Trust me, no matter where you are in the world – but especially in South Africa where power cuts are a normal occurrence – you will be grateful for a torch. 
2.  Highlighters: a ton of them! This is something that I can without a doubt guarantee you will need. And you will need a lot of them. This wonderful tool is useful in any learning environment, but particularly at varsity where the amount of content that you will be required to learn is exponential. And these sneaky little things have a habit of running dry at 2am when you’re desperately trying to cram an entire textbook into your cranium, so always make sure you have spares. 
3. A lighter: This is a little trick that I picked up in my first year. Lighters are the best conversation
   
   starters. If you’re at a party, in a club or at an event of some sort, there will always be someone looking for a lighter (especially if you live in the tobacco capital of the world like I do). It’s an excellent way to get to meet new people and learn a little bit about them. Lighters are also pretty nifty little tools and help a lot in many situations. 
4. A small first aid kit: this is something that you can either buy in its entirety, or put together yourself. Essentially you will need a few plasters/band aids, some antiseptic fluid or ointment and at least a bandage or two. Unidentified drunken injuries (UDIs) and a slip and fall on campus are almost inevitable at some point, it’s best to prepared. 
5. A card holder and lanyard: Some universities supply lanyards and card
   
   holders as a part of their orientation packs, others don’t. But these two things can be total life savers. You will have a student identity card of some sort that you will most likely need to have on you at all times whilst on campus. These slippery pieces of plastic are incredibly easy to misplace or lose. If you keep yours in a plastic card holder that you can either attach to a bunch of keys or a lanyard that you keep around your neck or in your pocket/bag, you will be less likely to lose your student card. I have put together a list of things that you will definitely need at University/College if you are of the female variety, check it out!

If you have yet to stumble across a general list of things that you should take with you to University, here is a quick one that you can build onto:

• Bed linen – it’s nice to have your own, even if they supply you with a set 
• Your clothes, obviously 
• Bath towels 
• A kettle, mugs, spoons and tea/coffee (depending on your living situation) 
• Pens, notebooks and files/folders 
• A 2014 diary (to keep track of deadlines and test dates)